Our Little Miracle...

As you know now Nathan and I having a baby in February! We feel so blessed and excited to be having this baby. I think all new parents feel this way, but because of what we've been through over the past few months, we appreciate this blessing more than I could ever have imagined. The news of this baby has marked a happy change in what has otherwise been a really hard year for me. Back in January I started getting really sick. I had horrible headaches every day that couldn't be assuaged by Advil or Tylenol. It was so frustrating to me because between work, long commutes, and 2 time-consuming church callings, I had so much on my plate. I felt like everyone needed a piece of my time, and feeling so sick I just couldn't keep up with it all. Headaches are the worst as well because you don't look sick. I thought I would feel better soon so I didn't tell anyone at church or work and tried to ignore feeling so awful each day. Thank goodness for Nate who listened/empathized with me feeling so sick for so long. He took great care of me!

As months passed and the headaches didn't go away I began seeing all kinds of doctors. Doctors tried giving me medicine for a sinus infection then for allergies. I saw an ears nose and throat doctor who checked me for inner ear fluid. Some doctors told me it was just stress - but I knew it wasn't! I knew something real was going wrong with my body. I even saw a neurologist who thought I might have a brain tumor. That was a scary time and I was happy it wasn't.

Then I finally went to see my OBG-YN because along with these headaches I wasn't having a period. The OBG-YN ordered some blood work and told me I was going to have to have an ultrasound to check for cysts. I got both done and sure enough I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. I broke down and started crying in the office when she told me what it was (embarrassing?). I was happy to know that my headaches were from something real (all the hormones not being made right can cause really bad headaches) but scared of all the other things PCOS brings with it. PCOS can make it really hard to get pregnant and puts you a an increased risk for diabetes, and certain kinds of cancer. My doctor suggested I go back on birth control to get my system regulated again but I knew that we really wanted to have kids soon. Instead my doctor put me on a medicine called metformin in hopes that it would help me ovulate. I was so sad for a few weeks after finding out about all this. I knew all that really mattered to me in life was being a wife and a mother. I have always considered myself a pretty healthy person and was devastated to think that there was something majorly wrong with my body. And mostly sad that it might take me years to have a baby. After some time, I got over feeling sad and decided I needed to be positive and happy about all the possibilities of modern medicine. I accepted that it would probably take me a long time to get pregnant but that it would happen. I remember watching that Mormon Message "Good Things to Come" and getting really emotional by Elder Holland's words "Don't you give up, don't you quit!" I knew I couldn't give up! I still had my headaches and felt awful, but at least now I had hope they might go away.

In late June, Nathan and I were working at the temple like we do on Thursday nights. We always have to drive separate cars because we both go over to the temple straight from work. For some reason, this night I got off my shift at 8:20 which never happens. They told me I could go home early because everyone was scheduled in such a way that it worked out. I got changed and walked out to my car and started heading for the freeway. For some reason after I made the turn to head for the freeway, the thought came to my mind that I should turn around and go to CVS in La Jolla to buy a pregnancy test. This seemed like an absolutely ridiculous idea to me since I thought the possibility of me being pregnant was impossible. I felt so stupid for even thinking to buy a test but couldn't ignore the feeling. I decided I would go to CVS and get a basal temperature thermometer to start tracking things and possibly a token pregnancy test. When I arrived at CVS, I got distracted by Whole Foods next door and bought a few things there. Afterwards I went to CVS and bought some toothpaste, a Hershey bar (craving?) and a pack of pregnancy tests. On my drive home I realized I forgot to get the basal temperature thermometer and had the thought "what if I am pregnant and luckily just forgot to buy". Then I talked myself out of the idea that I could even be pregnant for the rest of the car ride home. I didn't want to get my hopes up for no reason! I got home, took the test and it was a clear and bold POSITIVE! What?? I was in shock. I immediately started calling Nate a million times (he wasn't even off his shift yet) and sent him texts in all caps that said YOU NEED TO COME HOME IMMEDIATELY. I probably should have put an exclamation point or something because Nate was alarmed and thought something was wrong. We talked on the phone and I told him I had a crazy but good surprise for him. Nate said on his ride home he tried to think of what I could be SO excited about and concluded that I must have ordered pizza? He would never have expected what news I had for him! We both couldn't believe it. I immediately felt SO blessed but took a few days for me to really believe I could be pregnant. The next day I took the two remaining tests in the pack and sure enough they were both positive! What really made all this real to me was going to our first ultrasound. Luckily I had been taking prenatal vitamins the whole time, but I had absolutely no idea when I became pregnant. I was guessing I would be about 6 weeks and thought they might not see anything on the ultrasound. But to Nate and I's surprise I was 9 weeks along and we saw a little baby kicking moving on the screen! It was one of the best moments of my life. Amazingly one of the only things that cures PCOS is getting pregnant. During pregnancy your hormones change so much that the condition can correct itself. A great blessing has been that pregnancy has made my headaches go away. Everyday I think about how excited I am to be a Mom and how blessed I feel to be healthy again.

It turned out to be really easy for me to get pregnant, but I am positive it was a blessing from our Heavenly Father. I know there are so many people who struggle with getting pregnant and my heart truly goes out to them. Just like I didn't do anything to get PCOS, it is never a woman's fault if she can't get pregnant. I felt really sensitive about it and had such a hard time thinking that it wasn't my fault in some way. Infertility really is such a hard trial so many good couples have to face. My heart aches for them and I wish all good couples who desired children could have them right away. I know this is really personal story to share on a blog, but sometimes I think its good to share the miracles that happen in your life. The tender mercies of the Lord are real and he does hear and answer our prayers.

This baby is and always will be our little miracle!